Weeki Wachee City Commission Passes an Ordinance Enforcing Pillow Equity
An issue that was brought before the commission was that some people have many more pillows than others. This may allow them to get a better night’s sleep than other people.
The commission found this inequity vastly unfair and an ordinance to redistribute pillows in equal amounts was born. If everyone can get the sleep they need, the county will be much more productive and this will maximize the county’s workforce potential.
This could be a boon for business development. We will be the first city in the nation to achieve pillow equity. Employers will flock to this area because they will be assured that the workforce is better rested than in other places because of pillow equity.
“No longer will my wife have five pillows to my one,” said an anonymous commissioner for District 3. “I have just accepted that my wife has so many more pillows than me and I realize now how unfair that is. I would never ask her for a pillow, but if it is a government mandate, how can she refuse? I am not really sure what to do with my two extra pillows, but I am sure I will sleep better,” he explained.
Many residents are rumored to have secretly purchased undeclared pillows several months ago in hopes of working around the pillow ordinance. The first step of the ordinance is to create a pillow registry where people have to record every pillow they have. The city inspectors will most likely rely on the public’s honesty and tips to catch lawbreakers. “We don’t want to invade people’s bedrooms,” explained an anonymous code enforcement officer.
If this pillow equity works well here, it might be time to update the federal mattress tag law to include pillow equity. The mattress tag lobby is extremely powerful and if we can amend the law to include pillow equity, it will definitely pass.
At publishing time, we found out that the city of Weeki Wachee, population 8, doesn’t actually exist anymore and its city commission was disbanded.
