Watching all these other news outlets win awards is very frustrating for Not the Sun. We write amazing fake news and there are no fake news awards. This is such an injustice. Just because they interview real people and cover real stories they think they are the only ones that should win awards.
We at Not the Sun are amazingly self reliant. Those real news outlets need people to tell them things, but we just make up the quotes. We don’t need anyone else to write our articles, so we have decided to continue on that trend and award ourselves for our outstanding stories.
Generally awards are given for stories you wrote the previous year, but since we started this year we will have to give ourselves awards for stories we would have written had we been around last year.
Excerpts of some of the Not the Sun award winning stories that we would have written are below.
Best Crime Fake Story
Hernando County Traffic Stop does not Lead to Drug Arrest
In a surprising turn of events, deputies stopped a local driver and did not find drugs in the car. The deputy explained that this was the first time that had happened since he worked at the sheriff’s office. He had no idea what to do, since normally a traffic stop ends with a drug arrest. His sergeant drove to the stop and also could not find drugs. They both called back to the Sheriff’s Office to find out what to do in this instance.
Best Hurricane Related Fake Story
Meteorologist Suggests that Shooting at Hurricanes Might not be Such a Bad Idea
Channel 27 Meteorologist Jimothy Cantory explained that a few years ago law enforcement had made several public service announcements explaining that shooting at hurricanes was dangerous and because of science it would not affect the storm. However, in the years following, the area has been hit by several intense hurricanes, so Cantory thought that maybe we should revisit shooting the storms.
Best Politics Coverage Fake Story
Homeless Guy with Dead Squirrel Elected Mayor
The homeless guy that swings a dead squirrel around over by the library was elected mayor. His campaign promise of if you don’t vote for me I will hit you with the dead squirrel proved effective.
The award ceremony was held in the brilliant mind of the Not the Sun editor.
