Taylor and Travis engagement causes mass fainting spell
A mass fainting spell across the nation occurred as a result of the engagement of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce.
In Hernando County alone numerous Swifters collapsed when Taylor’s Instagram post hit their screens.
Upon hearing the news, Amy Donaldson passed out mid-weave on the friendship bracelet she was making for her friend Jonah with purple hair. When she woke up she was so dazed she couldn’t remember which strand she was on.
Jonah exclaimed upon seeing the bracelet’s flaw, “GROSS.”
Sonya Bridgeport, a park consultant, was working on an important presentation on the need for more splash parks in Hernando County when she heard the news and collapsed at her desk.
A one-eyed pirate happened to be walking by and revived her by dumping a bucket of water on her.
According to Not the Sun’s on the scene research, things weren’t going much better at the new Olive Garden on 50. Server Bobby Gomez, over parmaseaned Alice Connor’s fettuccine alfredo as he grated mindlessly in a stupefied trance after he overheard Art and Ruth Miller discussing the news at their table over their early bird entrees.
A confused and out of touch fifty-nine-year-old man named Jimbo was excited that Brittney Spears was engaged to Tom Brady. Later, he commented on how he thought Madonna and Dan Marino make a great couple, and he is happy they are engaged. As he was leaving, he said that he was excited that Cher and Terry Bradshaw were tying the knot.
While the historic announcement reverberated across the world, Ms. Swift’s manager admitted that he was secretly hoping that they would break off the engagement, which would lead to an epic song. “Her only popular songs are about breakups, so I am hoping that this relationship ends badly and in time for her next tour. It might be even better if they get married and quickly divorce, that would open up a whole new audience to her.”
At publishing time, we learned that Spirit Halloween has decided to keep its stores open after Halloween and start selling Travis and Taylor wedding merchandise. Mind you, we have not verified this, but it is very believable.
